Crazy.

Things have been a little crazy lately. I haven’t really been able to get on here to post, with unpacking and stuff.

Promise I’ll try to update soon.

…..

misty

OhMyGod

I get to see Him tomorrow. TOMORROW- we’ll be riding home together, alone. The kids will be with His parents. I get to be with Him, and see Him and not worry about the kids in the backseat, and ohmyGod, I’m going to get punished, because ….well, i just am. because i’m an idiot, really, but.

 

…………..

and, we’ll be making the big move so don’t give up on me! i should be back in a week *maybe 2*!

Dammit

“don’t tease me, please, Master.”

“Yeah, right. touch yourself and shutup.”

………

great. now? i’m wound up and have been given a bed time.

……..

i’ll see him saturday, though, maybe then i’ll get some release.

..after my 35.5 licks i’m due to recieve.

…and some more torture, i’m sure.

why did i agree to do this again?

the mind

do you know the feeling when someone tells you that you can’t do something- like scratch your back, or drink some water- and then, for the next hour all you want to do is what they told you not to do? i’m at that point right now.

tonight, after Master and i talked our hour before he went to bed, we were saying our goodbyes and he said, “you can’t cum anymore. not until I say so, understand?” my response? “ok” – he said, “You promise?” -this is the part where i went dumb. i said, “yes, and if i do, i’ll tell on myself, i promise.”

now? i’ve been off the phone with him for about an hour, and all i want to do is cum. when i moved my position on the couch, my body literally shook from want. my mind is playing dirty tricks on me and i don’t like it very much.

and what’s even worse is i go to the blogs i normally read and see pictures that get me hot and panting, wanting, and there is nothing i can do.

this sucketh. in a good way.

OoOoh baby

ever want someone to tell you more about what they are planning? i’m at that point with our 2000 mile trip. i keep asking Master what he has planned. He won’t tell me. i’m not too good at this whole submissive thing i guess, lol.

or maybe i’m still, at heart, a brat. all i know right now is i’ll be tied up most of the time, and i’ll have rules. lots of rules. no underwear, no long pants, no cumming. fun, fun, fun. i tell you.

i’m dreading and loving this trip all at once. and now that i’m up to 35 licks, i can’t wait to see him on saturday.

big smiles

i keep thinking about the fact that i’ll get to see Master this week. it’ll be the first time in the last 2 weeks i’ve seen Him. i also keep thinking about the big trip that we are going to be making for our 2,000 mile move, and how i will probably be tied up in the truck most of the time, and without pants when it gets dark. i know i’ll have a lot to blog about after the trip is over.

but, there is something more that makes me smile. something that Master said last night while we were on the phone. right now, and probably for a while, we’re keeping our lifestyle under wraps. we’re not going to talk about it with people. not trying to be hypocritical, or anything, but what happens in our bedroom happens in our bedroom, same with in our home. God is the only one that knows, and i think He’s okay with it.

so, anyways, Master said last night, “I want to brag to all of my friends. Everytime they complain about their wives, or say something bad about what their girlfriends do- I want to tell them that my wife? My little pet? Will do whatever I tell her to and without hesitation.”

that made me smile more than anything else.

the happiness didn’t last too long, though, i’m up 5 licks. ::smacks self on head:: sometimes i don’t think….

(untitled)

a filtering of thoughts.

i look in the mirror and sigh. i’ve gained weight from having 2 children back to back, which was more torture on my body than Master could ever put on it. i wonder if i’ll ever get the weight off. i smile at myself in the mirror and turn out the light.

i call Master later and tell Him that i hate my body. He says we’ll work on it, and that i really shouldn’t worry about it.

i’m surprised at what i feel. towards my own body- i feel hatred. for the way i look, the way i feel. i see other 21 year olds acting their age, looking fit and trim, and running around not worrying about much. i see myself in the mirror of my soul, hurt and bruised from years of molestation. i see myself as a 21 year old trying to escape into the real world, just not sure how to do it.

then, Master ties me to the bed, gags me and puts a blindfold on me. i can hear him breathing and feel myself slipping into a different space in my head, reserved for times like this, when i can focus on the sounds in the room to figure out what is happening. i hear a zipper being zipped. i can smell a candle. i notice my left ear has a spot where no sound is….i know that is where Master is standing, i turn my head slightly and moan.

my mind races, wondering what is happening, trying to think about other things…..”don’t think, misty, about your body, Master loves you,” i think to myself. i try not to think self-conscience thoughts. i try to focus on now.

i feel the sting before my brain registers the pain. i realize that i just got hit with something and hard. i feel another sting and my body erupts in pain. i moan and pull at my restraints.  “shut up.” Master says, hitting me again across the chest.

……my mind begins to think on other things. my children, the wonderful things that they do, the things that make me smile and laugh, how silly they can be. whack. my Husband, His love for me, no matter what. how He can turn into the Master i need at the drop of a hat, how i can get upset by Him just saying one word. whack. my cage, how i love it, how it’s like my little space of sub-heaven. whack. think, think, think of anything but the pain. think of anything but the pain. whack.

….after it’s all done with and i’m laying in His arms, i know why i need this….this is how i free myself, how i allow myself to be the 21 year old that i need to be, for my sanity…..this lifestyle, this being dominated, is how i allow myself to escape and become the person i’ve always wanted to be…..

and i smile, in the darkness.